Sexual Addictions
You may have arrived here if. . .
You find yourself in habitual sexual behaviours that are negatively influencing the health of your body and mind, relationships, finances, spirituality and faith, and your relationship with yourself.
You want to stop engaging in habitual sexual behaviours but struggle to know the next step.
You tried other therapeutic approaches, sex addicts anonymous or pastoral care but want 1:1 support.
You feel you cannot speak about your habits and experiences because of how you will be shamed and ridiculed.
You are ready to understand where the behaviours originated and the context of the addiction.
You want to use practical tools that can help you handle the cravings and manage relapse.
You want achievable steps towards sobriety.
What would a sexual addiction be?
A sexual addiction would be any sexual activity that feels out of control. This could be sex with a partner, masturbation, pornography, seeing sex workers, chat lines, sexting, phone sex, or engaging in sexual activities in ways that feel out of control. Sexual addictions fall on a spectrum of behaviours, from occasional usage of pornography to sex with sex workers frequently in a short period. Sexual addictions are not solely male issues but impact people of all genders, races, ages and backgrounds.
How will Therapy help me with this?
Therapy will be a space for you to understand the roots to the behaviours, explore your core beliefs about who you are and your relationship with sex and sexuality and sensuality. You will learn to notice your triggers, thought processes, how you feel and express emotions, understand the impact of the addiction on your life and relationships and learn skills to help you regulate yourself in ways that do not negatively impact you.
What might we do to achieve sobriety?
Sadly there is no magic pill here, and achieving sobriety takes time. Through therapy we will rewire your neural pathways - the patterns of thinking and behaviour that lead to acting out. Each person is different and each journey is specific to you. We may:
Talk about and process your first exposure to sex, sexuality and the behaviours you find yourself doing.
Consider if there are any underlying factors to your behaviours, are you stressed, lonely, disconnected etc.
Take account of how your behaviours are impacting your emotional, physical, relational, financial and spiritual life.
Look at each week, day and hour to consider where the difficulties may be for you, and create sustainable life lines and processes for you.
Test and Try different self care and coping mechanisms.
Help you to begin to feel emotions and body sensations.
Help you get into a community of other people who struggle to find support and encouragement.
Go through the Steps of Sex Addicts Anonymous.
Increase the periods of not using from 1 hour to 4 hours to 1 week to 1 month etc.
Keep you accountable.
Free you from negative self talk and self shaming.
Help you heal relationships and restore connections that have been impacted through your difficulties.
Further Information
You have to want it: Relapses will happen and slips will occur. This is part of the journey. I would rather you know that the path to recovery is going to be work than you be surprised by it.
Sessions: For those self-referring for therapy, I recommend having weekly sessions for the first few months of working together. This allows us to identify areas of support that you need. After this, you can continue with weekly sessions or move into bi-weekly sessions if that is your preference.
Some Free Support: Sex Addicts Anonymous Meetings can be a space for you to have accountability and support from those who understand the struggle.
Partners and family members of Addicts: Personal therapeutic support, support and connection groups may be useful for you as your family member navigates their sobriety. While I work primarily with addicts, I also offer sessions for partners and family members. If you are interested in couples counselling, please get in touch and I can refer you to Couples Therapists in my network.